Anyone who knows me well knows that I am super competitive...We're talkin' racing the person next to me on the stationary bike at the gym kind of competitive...Insanity, I know... but none the less, my competitive streak has always served me well. It makes me the feisty and ambitious person that I am. With that being said, criticism has always been a hard pill for me to swallow. It doesn't matter how constructive the criticism is, I just have a very difficult time dealing with someone telling me that I did something wrong. If I had to psychoanalyze myself I would say that it stems from me not wanting someone to disapprove of something that I have done or produced, especially if I have put a lot of time and effort into the final product.
So, as you could imagine, going through this whole doctorate thing, I have struggled with the feedback process. The majority of comments made by professors were warranted and I have taken them into consideration as I have progressed through the program. However, as I read the feedback that I received on my last paper I couldn't help but realize that the feedback that I have been given over the past 1 1/2 years has been totally inconsistent. One set of professors says to use the word “I” in your writing while another set told me that I should not use “I” under any circumstances. Some professors have told me that my style is too verbose while others have told me it is just fine, and still some more have told me that I need to be more descriptive after I followed the “verbose” professor’s advice and cut down on my wordiness.
Still, these comments all have to do with a professor’s preferred writing style and they really do not have to do with developing research questions or a definitive plan. Being the competitive person that I am, I really want to know what I need to do to write the best dissertation that I possibly can. I have had little guidance in this area. I have heard time and time again that your dissertation will not be the best thing that you write and that you should just accept that; but I don’t want to do that. I want some criticism that will actually help me become a better research practitioner. Now that I know most of the professors in my concentration I know how to adjust my writing to fit their style needs. But is that what I am supposed to learn from this process? I really don’t think so. I can’t believe that I am saying this but I want someone to tell me that I am doing something wrong other than “change the title of the heading to make your writing flow”, “describe this in more detail here”, “use less detail here”. Talk to me about my conceptual framework! Does it make sense? Is my logic model logical? Am I on the right track with my research questions and research design? Most importantly, is my research even going to make a difference?
I got an A on my last paper, but I found the criticism to be nit picky in some areas and not really substantial. Sean thinks I should be happy with my A, and leave it alone. I agree with him to a point and I am totally happy that I did well, but my competitive nature seems to be getting the best of me right now. I am looking for someone or something to go head to head with during this process. I need a rabbit to chase. Unfortunately, I think the only thing I am chasing right now is my ego.
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